paul's reviews....

'tis my mission innit... to review things..... to analyse every thing that dares to cross my path...so here goes..

ryvita with seeds in it!!! as if ryvita wasn't dry enough as it is!! they have gone and covered this cardboard-tasting crap with seeds!! they may as well have poured fucking sand on it or something!!. actually... i may put some in my toolbox for d.i.y purposes as a replacement for sandpaper.... i had to cover it with 3 inch thick philly just so i didn't taste the bloody stuff

Vans... my stripey white and black ones.... they are fucking amazing! the way you just slip yer feet in them and go about yer business... whilst looking cool at the same time... efficiency and smartness.... i could wear them with absolutely nothing else and still look cool (okay maybe my rash-specs)...

Teticles... the introduction of these hairy globular sacks of nut into the world by God almighty... he was clearly having some sort of a mid-life crisis and thought he could amuse women a bit by hanging these wrinkly christmas-tree-decorations between men's legs for eternity... they are poorly designed... i forget how many times i have sat on them, squashed them between my legs, got kicked in them, caught them in my zip.... and to look at... well... i would sooner look at a swarm of flies buzzing round shit than to put my eyes on those disgusting skin-walnuts.....and women are supposed to be attracted to the male form! why didn't men get the breasts?

Hahaha! Well done (Y) Made me giggle, therefore you passed. But keep them coming!

I disagree about the Vans though. I don't do Vans. Mainly because their "Vans", and I don't do brands/labels/anything that's currently "fashion"/anything ridiculously over priced. But that's just me, ha!

vans are a reasonable £32.00 in all good shoe retailers

That is not reasonable. I don't spend that much on anything.
Except maybe a good night out.

Going out on sundays... it's actually rather immense... there is live music at the diner... there is next to nobody in the pubs so you have more space to get drunk in and swing yer cat..... there is nobody in the street to pick a fight with ben when he is with you, which normally would happen.... sunday boozing...Yay!!!


Specks of dust ... you know... the little bits that even the dyson misses.... they are intensely irritating... you go to hoover it and it doesn't go up, so you kick it with yer foot and it moves easily.... then you try the hoover again and it still doesn't go... so you give up with the hoover.... get on yer hands and knees and realise that there are at least a thousand more specs down there and you spend forever on yer hands and knees picking them up.... yep.. i reviewed specks of dust

Jellyfish They have no brains... and do practically nothing with their existence.... they are the laziest damned invertibrates in the entire ocean... they are too lazy to even claim jobseekers allowance...grr... good-for-nothing gelatenous seabeasts

Hahahaha!! In my next life, I'd quite like to be a jellyfish
And the specks of dust thing - only you would come up with something like that to actually post about

My Photocopier ....it's a steaming pile of dog excrement... well... not physically... but it may as well be for the standard of functioning it has.....at the moment it has this nasty habit of putting blank lines through text... i told it to stop but it wouldn't listen... bloody thing... nobody seems to own up to having the details of it's servicing contract..... so i cannot get the bloody thing fixed.... grr

Band Practice it's always well good... we stand around and play our songs... and they sound well good and that.... and sam says random stuff that makes me laugh... and joe breaks wind... and ben drinks beer and plays darts and phil fixes my electrical appliances with his electrical genius... and i wear sunglasses indoors.... if it were witnessed by outside eyes, astonishment would occur....

Pterodactyls Those enormous bird-lizards that swoop around in the sky when you drink too much rum... they are well lovely..... but only to look at.... they would peck yer brains out if you stood still for more than twelve seconds.....

I just want you to know Paul, this is the best thread ever...well worth a break that I trully need, must stop falling asleep what ..did some one say something...i think i missed it

hahaha! workaholism catches up with us all in the end

I think I should start a band just so I can have band practise. It sounds like fun, arsing around. I could be the one that wears flags as dresses.. ha!

And I obviously need to start drinking rum, coz I want to see those.. birdy things (Y)

i'm sure sam has probably worn flags as dresses before... he has quite a quirky dress sense he wears women's clothes because he says they are better and he is a size 14

It seems you missed the reference to Ginger Spice there Oh well!
Haha, Sam sounds like a cool dude! (Y)

she is quite short too sam is a legend... he is a new-wave-electro-psychedelic bohemian prince...

Hahaha, how awesome!

i just noticed one of my plectrums next to his head... we were losing them all night.... he is cool

I noticed that! You use purple plectrums, so you are officially cool! (Y)

I use a purple plectrum as well!

You are also cool! Yay for purple plectrums!

not like them well dodgy orange plectrums you get... my spare plec was a blue one though with disney pluto on it so i'm probably officially gay too

Omgg... nope, that makes you even cooler! Pluto was cool!

Hooray! i agree... far superior to goofy.... who is okay but not waaaaay cool

I was always a fan of the various ducks.

huey, luey and was it duey? plus donald of course.....

And Daffy! Was he from the same people? I can't remember.