paul's got answers

Okay.... if you want to know anything about anything just ask me here.... like... why is the sky blue? Why DID the chicken cross the road? etc.. i will give you (my version of) the answers.... go on... you know you want to...

What gives the sky the red glow at night and in the morning

A good question.... well.... the refraction of daylight on oceans, rivers, lakes and puddles tends to give off a heat which causes a fine mist to rise..... it is a little known fact that in water there are tiny beings called hissyputts.... they are nice little things, harmless.... but they have a unique biological side effect to heat.... when they get warm the pores of their skin let out a psychedelic vapour, a kind of purpley-red spray.... when the mist rises from the oceans, rivers, lakes and puddles and the hissyputs are about, obviously the vapour from their skin rises with the mist into the sky.... needless to say, the hissyputs try to avoid the sun.... they are constantly peeking out from under pebbles to see if it's sunny or not..... They got so fed up with doing this that they employed one of their kind from every hissyput clan to keep a watch..... they use his psychedelic vapour as a weather report... generally if it is sunny in the early evening, and there is a red glow about the sky... the weather will be fine the next day..... but sunshine in the early hours, and red light everywhere means the weather will deteriorate and the hissyputts can come out to play.....

Well there you go...I like the word 'hissyputts' its a new one for my language

yeah... i try and invent at least one new word a day

What is the meaning of life?

And where DO babies come from?
I've always wondered about that...

I'd like to ask the same question i did in the other thread : )
explain to me why people say "it scared the living daylights out of me!"
DAYLIGHTS ARE NOT IN YOU, NOR ARE THEY LIVING.

Jo wrote:What is the meaning of life?

And where DO babies come from?
I've always wondered about that...

okay jo.... your first question.... it is quite well known that the meaning of life is 42.....well, that is the usual theory.... My theory is that everything exists for the sake of art..... because it is simply pleasing to behold.... happiness, sadness, love and hate..... life is just an exercise in hedonism..... it's all too beautiful....

Where babies come from.....There is an underground factory deep in the core of the earth, where a team of middle aged women, handpicked by god himself from factories all over the world, (but predominantly from Hayes in Middlesex), work on a production line day and night to create these little babies.... they stand by the conveyor belts holding the tiny little limbs and sticking them on with baby glue as they slowly go past...... When the baby is complete and has passed a thorough quality assurance test, it is sent to a vast warehouse in Luton where it is stored, for no longer than a month.... What happens is not what people think actually.... when a man has sex with a woman, god watches.... he looks at the people having sex and decides whether to give them a baby or not...if they are clearly in love and deserve one they generally get one... but if they are lustful and ignorant to the ways of life, sometimes god will give them a baby to teach them a lesson in responsibility.... well, he has a list of names of all the people who are shagging and simply ticks or crosses their application.... at the end of the day he sends this off to luton as an order form and the overnight delivery drivers drive off in their embryonically equipped transit vans with the babies..... These aren't ordinary despatch men though.... they have special training on getting a baby inside a woman... they have the ability to freeze time.... when the woman is asleep the little despatch man freezes time and puts the tiny baby into the woman's mouth with a map.... the baby uses this map to find it's way to the uterus where it plugs itself into the food supply and lives for nearly ten months before being born..... It's not quite a miracle... but it's the truth... and women... if you ever wake up with a sore throat... first thing you should do is get a pregnancy test

soundselectric. wrote:I'd like to ask the same question i did in the other thread : )
explain to me why people say "it scared the living daylights out of me!"
DAYLIGHTS ARE NOT IN YOU, NOR ARE THEY LIVING.

Okay Josie... this is a lot more straightforward than you think.... There was a James Bond movie that came out in 1987 called 'the living daylights' starring Timothy Dalton as James Bond and the theme tune by norwegian pop outfit A-Ha...... Up to that point James bond was generally thought of as cool, but this film was shit.... timothy dalton was shit as james bond and the song by A-Ha was also shit.... So when people say 'scared the living daylights out of me' they are saying 'scared the shit out of me' simply because the living daylights is shit.... and scaring the shit out of someone is not actually a metaphor, it has been known to happen....

Omg, I laughed so hard at the baby making process. I can't believe I have been lied to for all these years!

Ahaha well thanks for clearing that up

LMAO! Paul You Crack Me Up! HAHAHA
Funny Stuff

AND you have a sore throat!! Pregnancy test, woman!!

oooh.... 'tis ominous indeed

Jo wrote:AND you have a sore throat!! Pregnancy test, woman!!

HAHA!! OMG!!!! Noooooooooooooooooo

yeah, pregnancy is a little bit of a shock..... starts with a sore throat , leads to a big belly, then a screaming child.... ooh... the wonder of life... 'tis beautiful indeed

Unless, of course, the baby is ginger. Then there are mumbles about cohorting with the devil, and such like. Not so beautiful then. Ha!

Jo wrote:Unless, of course, the baby is ginger. Then there are mumbles about cohorting with the devil, and such like. Not so beautiful then. Ha!

ginger is beautiful!

Haha! We know it is, but I'm sure most of the population would disagree.
All those people should be blessed with ginger kiddies!

haha i absolutely love ginger hair. my friend's hair is the colour of copper and i'm jealous of it.

I never used to be all that bothered either way about my hair, until I read a book about it. Now I wouldn't change it for the world!

Next question, Paul:
Forgetting about us all becoming extinct - why weren't there a lot of people with ginger hair originally? Is it a sign about something? Are ginger people supposed to do soemthing important? And why did it have to be such a bright colour?

I believe that is enough for you to be getting on with, lol.

I am working on it nice that josie likes ginges isn't it When i was born, my mum apparently told the midwife to put me back in because she didn't want a ginger baby

You sure she didn't say to take you back to the factory?

I shall look forward to your answers!

right jo... here goes.... hope you are ready for the truth.....

Quite a long story but.... In the beginning there was ginger... nothing more, nothing less..... and it is still everywhere we go.... the bible says there was light... also true... this is because the sun ...is... Ginger.... everyone thinks ginger is a kind of spice/root, but it's name merely derives from that of the sun because it has a similar colour.... anyway.... the ginger was not as big as it is now... it was the size of a football.... One day something shit happened.... Ginger's next door neighbour God thought he would create The solar system.... you see, ginger had borrowed God's electric drill and had forgotten to give it back, which narked God a little bit.... so he made these nine globular entities that would fly around ginger for eternity... like a plague of blue-bottles.... which was quite nauseating for ol' ginge.... Millions of years flew by at an irritatingly slow rate.... which is quite irrelevant anyway as time is relative, especially in space..... ginge grew and grew over the years..... he got really BIG.... He loved this growing, it meant that before long he would be in the path of these nauseating orbitting thingys and could destroy them... he had no arms or legs, so he couldn't simply grab them... but the one thing in his favour was that he was FUCKING HOT.... The thingys would just burn up if they touched him.... God got wind of ginger's plans and decided to do something about it... on one of the thingys, he made an army, modelled on his own image, but with the addition of testicles, which he thought would be good for a laugh.... he gave these little dudes instructions to shrink the sun back down in size.... the way they were told to do this was with hate and anger... Ginger was well allergic to hate and anger you see.... the dudes were doing really well and poor ol' ginge was diminishing rapidly..... he had to think of a plan...and fast.... He used his extremely well developed neural skills to craft little dudes of his own to fight the other dudes that god had created... he borrowed god's design, but since he hadn't copywritten it, it didn't matter... which pissed off the almighty no end.... anyway, to stop his dudes from mistakenly killing their own kind, ginger gave them all red hair so that they could recognise eachother.... well, it worked for a while... all the little dudes were killing godfolk like there was no tomorrow..... but it turned desperately sour.... there were just too many godfolk by then and god had a vastly superior factory for making and distributing them.... the gingerfolk were over-run.... they were imprisoned in deep and dark chambers... forced to never look at their creator, the almighty ginger in the sky..... Hundreds of thousands of years passed by.... the gingers had become a rare and endangered species... god actually turned out to be an okay guy and gave the godfolk a wonderful place of existence... while the gingerfolk evolved in the dark, their eyes and skin were now allergic to the light of their own creator..... God was rubbing his almighty hands with glee.... Ginger had decreased in size and had become miserable..... stories were spread about this place called hell, where 'red' people came from and it was very hot... portrayed as the worst evil imaginable, and translated through generations..... Gingerfolk still do exist to this very day.... their gene being strong enough to bear the brunt of millions of years of persecution.... but they know very little of the truth and their desperate plight..... which is to their benefit in many ways.... Godfolk still feed themselves upon their primary missions of hate and war... but generally, they have evolved in a nicer way..... And God forgave Ginger after all... ginger gave god his drill back.... decided that it wasn't all that bad having these thingys flying around him... that he had grown fond of it in fact..... and basically, didn't want the extinction of billions of species to cause any more friction with god.... And the gingerfolk prevail to evolve to their former glory...