Contagious

At school, the teacher tells the class they're going to learn a new word.

"Today's word is 'contagious', class. Can anyone tell me what 'contagious' means?"

Molly puts up her hand, "Miss, I was in hospital last year, and mum said I was contagious."

"Yes, well done Molly. Anyone else?" Says teacher.

Bob puts up his hand, "Miss, my brother had measles a few months ago, and he was contagious."

"That's right, Bob. Can anyone else tell me about 'contagious'?" Asked the teacher.

John puts up his hand, *Irish accent*, "Miss, my dad is a decorator, and he's going to paint someone's house with a 2 and a half inch brush, and mum says it's going to take the contagious."

hahahahahahahaha!!!!! i love that !!! ginge-genious t'be sure t'be sure

It is ginge-genius actually, but not mine. The ginger warm up dude told it during the break at Loose Women (Y)

how was loose women?

It was good, pretty funny. Very, very hot though. The lights buuurn. Was annoying being told when to clap and when to wooo and stuff, lol.

I sure I speak on behalf of most men when I say I was bitterly disappointed with Loose Women.

It's cool!!

the title is quite misleading

That's because you're all dirty gits!

true... there was once a film on the telly called live nude women...it was the most misleading piece of channel five crap i've ever seen

Lmbo!! I really don't like how sex sells, I think it's bad.

agreed.... well.... sex as media is certainly less fulfilling than sex as god intended, that's f'sure

Oh lol!

I might get shouted at for this, seeing as this is a music forum.. but sometimes I think music videos should be banned. Forget she's had problems recently, but take Britney Spears for example. Whether or not you like her music, when she first started out, she sang "nice" songs, song that meant something, ish... but now it's like "I'll get lots of money if I sing about sex/wear very little/dance provocatively/kiss other women/make dodgy videos". It's just not about the music anymore, it seems. And it seems to be like that for a lot of people. It annoys me.

Please don't shout at/hate me too much, lol.

Nah I agree with you Jo.

Everything these days is based around sex, not just music videos, but TV adverts for things such as Shampoos?!?

Personally I think its silly it has come this low, I agree with it to a certain extent but after that its uncalled for..

Oh good, I'm glad I'm not the only one, haha!

Oh god, yeah, that Herbal Essence advert.. it's just not needed!

Yeah theres loads more as well, its frustrating because I cant think of any at the minute.

No wait I lie.

The Aero bubbles one with the guy in the towel.

Umm....

Anyone care to help me out?

That one's awful.
The Diet Coke adverts... but those Diet Coke adverts have been going around forever. (I don't mind them too much as I like the song).
I'm sure there are more, but I can't think right now, lol.

there are zillions f'sure.... makes you wonder who they are targeting their marketing at....

Nymphomaniacs is my guess.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired. They say,
'Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,
I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the
Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
and we'll put them in the cage with Francis
and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise
and worship,
and your parrots are sure to stop saying . .
.that phrase . . in no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day,
she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house.
As he ushered her in,
she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads
and praying.
Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in
with them.
After a few minutes,
the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked,
one male parrot looked over at the other male
parrot
and exclaimed,
'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'

Hahahaha!!! Love it!

Ahahahahaha!

Quality

yay... that's like the first joke i ever put on here!