paul's got answers

Okay.... if you want to know anything about anything just ask me here.... like... why is the sky blue? Why DID the chicken cross the road? etc.. i will give you (my version of) the answers.... go on... you know you want to...

What gives the sky the red glow at night and in the morning

A good question.... well.... the refraction of daylight on oceans, rivers, lakes and puddles tends to give off a heat which causes a fine mist to rise..... it is a little known fact that in water there are tiny beings called hissyputts.... they are nice little things, harmless.... but they have a unique biological side effect to heat.... when they get warm the pores of their skin let out a psychedelic vapour, a kind of purpley-red spray.... when the mist rises from the oceans, rivers, lakes and puddles and the hissyputs are about, obviously the vapour from their skin rises with the mist into the sky.... needless to say, the hissyputs try to avoid the sun.... they are constantly peeking out from under pebbles to see if it's sunny or not..... They got so fed up with doing this that they employed one of their kind from every hissyput clan to keep a watch..... they use his psychedelic vapour as a weather report... generally if it is sunny in the early evening, and there is a red glow about the sky... the weather will be fine the next day..... but sunshine in the early hours, and red light everywhere means the weather will deteriorate and the hissyputts can come out to play.....

Well there you go...I like the word 'hissyputts' its a new one for my language

yeah... i try and invent at least one new word a day

What is the meaning of life?

And where DO babies come from?
I've always wondered about that...

I'd like to ask the same question i did in the other thread : )
explain to me why people say "it scared the living daylights out of me!"
DAYLIGHTS ARE NOT IN YOU, NOR ARE THEY LIVING.

Jo wrote:What is the meaning of life?

And where DO babies come from?
I've always wondered about that...

okay jo.... your first question.... it is quite well known that the meaning of life is 42.....well, that is the usual theory.... My theory is that everything exists for the sake of art..... because it is simply pleasing to behold.... happiness, sadness, love and hate..... life is just an exercise in hedonism..... it's all too beautiful....

Where babies come from.....There is an underground factory deep in the core of the earth, where a team of middle aged women, handpicked by god himself from factories all over the world, (but predominantly from Hayes in Middlesex), work on a production line day and night to create these little babies.... they stand by the conveyor belts holding the tiny little limbs and sticking them on with baby glue as they slowly go past...... When the baby is complete and has passed a thorough quality assurance test, it is sent to a vast warehouse in Luton where it is stored, for no longer than a month.... What happens is not what people think actually.... when a man has sex with a woman, god watches.... he looks at the people having sex and decides whether to give them a baby or not...if they are clearly in love and deserve one they generally get one... but if they are lustful and ignorant to the ways of life, sometimes god will give them a baby to teach them a lesson in responsibility.... well, he has a list of names of all the people who are shagging and simply ticks or crosses their application.... at the end of the day he sends this off to luton as an order form and the overnight delivery drivers drive off in their embryonically equipped transit vans with the babies..... These aren't ordinary despatch men though.... they have special training on getting a baby inside a woman... they have the ability to freeze time.... when the woman is asleep the little despatch man freezes time and puts the tiny baby into the woman's mouth with a map.... the baby uses this map to find it's way to the uterus where it plugs itself into the food supply and lives for nearly ten months before being born..... It's not quite a miracle... but it's the truth... and women... if you ever wake up with a sore throat... first thing you should do is get a pregnancy test

soundselectric. wrote:I'd like to ask the same question i did in the other thread : )
explain to me why people say "it scared the living daylights out of me!"
DAYLIGHTS ARE NOT IN YOU, NOR ARE THEY LIVING.

Okay Josie... this is a lot more straightforward than you think.... There was a James Bond movie that came out in 1987 called 'the living daylights' starring Timothy Dalton as James Bond and the theme tune by norwegian pop outfit A-Ha...... Up to that point James bond was generally thought of as cool, but this film was shit.... timothy dalton was shit as james bond and the song by A-Ha was also shit.... So when people say 'scared the living daylights out of me' they are saying 'scared the shit out of me' simply because the living daylights is shit.... and scaring the shit out of someone is not actually a metaphor, it has been known to happen....

Omg, I laughed so hard at the baby making process. I can't believe I have been lied to for all these years!

Ahaha well thanks for clearing that up

LMAO! Paul You Crack Me Up! HAHAHA
Funny Stuff

AND you have a sore throat!! Pregnancy test, woman!!

oooh.... 'tis ominous indeed

Jo wrote:AND you have a sore throat!! Pregnancy test, woman!!

HAHA!! OMG!!!! Noooooooooooooooooo