http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/-t1.htm Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:26:19 GMT 10 http://illiweb.com/fa/prosilver/site_logo.gif http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/-t1.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/jim-and-sandy-t333.htm Jo Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was ok because he loved her soooo much. However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... 'I too have a problem My penis is the ... Jokes Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:26:19 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/jim-and-sandy-t333.htm#7720 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/jim-and-sandy-t333.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/kiwi-joke-t229.htm Jo An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi 'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?' Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.' Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?' Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.' Kiwi: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (Pointing at the Villager) Dog: ... Jokes Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:10:44 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/kiwi-joke-t229.htm#3439 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/kiwi-joke-t229.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-worst-joke-ever-t308.htm Amy.Eats.Monkeys whats brown and sticky? A stick thats my favourite joke haha Jokes Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:52:37 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-worst-joke-ever-t308.htm#7102 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-worst-joke-ever-t308.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/great-reception-t96.htm Sound Man Trevor
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.]]> Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:54:35 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/great-reception-t96.htm#415 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/great-reception-t96.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-old-couple-t290.htm Jo A couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you? The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and ... Jokes Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:18:31 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-old-couple-t290.htm#6508 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-old-couple-t290.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/two-old-men-t276.htm Jo TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.' THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE ... Jokes Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:16:28 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/two-old-men-t276.htm#5624 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/two-old-men-t276.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/inheritance-t275.htm Jo When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home ... Jokes Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:22:59 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/inheritance-t275.htm#5623 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/inheritance-t275.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/clock-t263.htm Jo
His wife goes into the bedroom to find him standing there, buck naked.

"That's not your clock, it's your cock, you prat!" She said.

"Yeah," he replied, "But I want two hands and a face on it!"]]> Jokes Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:58:07 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/clock-t263.htm#5152 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/clock-t263.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bottle-of-wine-t264.htm Jo Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying ... Jokes Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:51:20 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bottle-of-wine-t264.htm#5158 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bottle-of-wine-t264.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/contagious-t261.htm Jo At school, the teacher tells the class they're going to learn a new word. "Today's word is 'contagious', class. Can anyone tell me what 'contagious' means?" Molly puts up her hand, "Miss, I was in hospital last year, and mum said I was contagious." "Yes, well done Molly. Anyone else?" Says teacher. Bob puts up his hand, "Miss, my brother had measles a few months ago, and he was contagious." "That's right, Bob. Can anyone else ... Jokes Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:50:49 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/contagious-t261.htm#4947 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/contagious-t261.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/tickle-me-elmo-t251.htm Jo There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes The Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AMt here is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production ... Jokes Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:41:39 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/tickle-me-elmo-t251.htm#3937 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/tickle-me-elmo-t251.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/englishman-american-and-an-irishman-t230.htm saunby All stood upon the empire state building after drinking 25 pints each, the American says "Did you know when your this drunk you can jump off right here, fly around for a bit and then land back here again!" The Irishman replies "What a load of balls" So sure enough, the American jumps off, flies around for a bit and lands back again. The Irishman is so stunned, he jumps off to try it himself.., He plummets to his death on the pavement below. The Englishman turns to ... Jokes Tue, 05 Feb 2008 23:43:55 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/englishman-american-and-an-irishman-t230.htm#3474 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/englishman-american-and-an-irishman-t230.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/jack-and-jill-t228.htm Jo Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side. "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. I told her, of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day, we have never had ... Jokes Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:08:01 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/jack-and-jill-t228.htm#3436 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/jack-and-jill-t228.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-effects-of-alchohol-t211.htm The Promoter ]]> Jokes Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:49:22 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-effects-of-alchohol-t211.htm#2842 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-effects-of-alchohol-t211.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/towel-t208.htm Jo A man marries a young woman and they are deeply in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm so they decide to ask a sex therapist for advice. The therapist listens to their story and makes the following suggestion; "Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you, as though he is fanning you both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he fans you both ... Jokes Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:23:37 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/towel-t208.htm#2758 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/towel-t208.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-s-that-sound-t188.htm The Promoter
She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.

The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."]]> Jokes Sat, 26 Jan 2008 15:48:29 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-s-that-sound-t188.htm#2234 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-s-that-sound-t188.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-note-left-for-a-pianist-from-his-wife-t189.htm The Promoter Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet. Jokes Sat, 26 Jan 2008 15:58:47 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-note-left-for-a-pianist-from-his-wife-t189.htm#2235 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-note-left-for-a-pianist-from-his-wife-t189.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/xd-the-pope-t185.htm R!OT K so i got told this the other day and its actually pretty good Ok so the pope dies and naturally he goes to Heaven When he gets there a commitee of Angels greet him and show him round the place, once they have done this they ask him what he wants to do and he replies, "I'd like to learn every language that the bible has ever been written in dating back to the first one, then i'd like to read them all". So the pope goes off into a room and starts learning all the languages ... Jokes Fri, 25 Jan 2008 21:05:22 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/xd-the-pope-t185.htm#2189 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/xd-the-pope-t185.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/power-cut-t181.htm The Promoter
When the power goes off. ]]> Jokes Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:08:17 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/power-cut-t181.htm#2114 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/power-cut-t181.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/blonde-joke-t180.htm The Promoter
They're too hard to peel.]]> Jokes Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:02:15 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/blonde-joke-t180.htm#2110 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/blonde-joke-t180.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/3-men-t179.htm The Promoter
The first man wishes he was 25% smarter, then he swims off the island.

The second man wishes he was 50% smarter, then he cut down the tree, made a boat, and rowed off the island.

The third man wished he was 100% smarter, then he walked across the bridge.]]> Jokes Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:51:39 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/3-men-t179.htm#2103 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/3-men-t179.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/young-couple-t145.htm Jo A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.' The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. 'You are back so soon... Is there a problem?' the pastor inquired. 'We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain ... Jokes Sun, 20 Jan 2008 18:12:19 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/young-couple-t145.htm#1453 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/young-couple-t145.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-husband-store-t146.htm Jo THE HUSBAND STORE *A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: **You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the ... Jokes Sun, 20 Jan 2008 18:14:50 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-husband-store-t146.htm#1454 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-husband-store-t146.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sorry-but-we-don-t-serve-minors-t121.htm The 3 Stooges A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced ... Jokes Tue, 15 Jan 2008 22:39:05 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sorry-but-we-don-t-serve-minors-t121.htm#648 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sorry-but-we-don-t-serve-minors-t121.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/crap-jokes-xd-t128.htm Amy.Eats.Monkeys
heres mine-

Whats brown and sticky ?



A stick





]]> Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 16:09:06 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/crap-jokes-xd-t128.htm#776 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/crap-jokes-xd-t128.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/musicians-t66.htm The Promoter Q. Why do singers smile during lightning storms? A. They think their pictures being taken. Q. How do you make a guitarist laugh on Saturday? A. Tell them a joke on Wednesday. Q. Why did the singer stare at the frozen orange juice? A. Because it said 'Concentrate' Q. What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm? A. A tattoo. Q: How do you make a guitarist stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: Why do rock bands have roadies? A. To act as interpreters ... Jokes Sat, 12 Jan 2008 17:31:38 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/musicians-t66.htm#204 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/musicians-t66.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-they-really-mean-t122.htm The 3 Stooges Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e.g. "Y'all sang that real good!" Accidentals: Wrong notes Ad Libitum: A premiere. Agitato: A string player's state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece. Agnus dei: A famous female church composer. Allegro: Leg fertilizer. Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed. Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient's lacking ability to make ... Jokes Tue, 15 Jan 2008 22:49:54 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-they-really-mean-t122.htm#658 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-they-really-mean-t122.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-blonde-s-guide-to-geography-t95.htm Sound Man Trevor
The other blonde replies,
"Hellooo… can you see London from here?"]]> Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:52:53 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-blonde-s-guide-to-geography-t95.htm#414 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-blonde-s-guide-to-geography-t95.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/an-ice-cream-murder-t94.htm Sound Man Trevor Police say that he topped himself.]]> Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:50:49 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/an-ice-cream-murder-t94.htm#413 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/an-ice-cream-murder-t94.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-chicken-and-the-horse-t93.htm Sound Man Trevor A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking. A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing ... Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:47:03 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-chicken-and-the-horse-t93.htm#412 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-chicken-and-the-horse-t93.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/welcome-to-the-psychiatric-hotline-t92.htm Sound Man Trevor Psychiatric hotline - RING RING RING - “Welcome to Psychiatric hotline… If you are obsessive compulsive please press 1 repeatedly… If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multi-personalities, please press 3,4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want – just stay on the line so that we can trace the call… If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press…. If you are manic depressive, ... Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:43:35 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/welcome-to-the-psychiatric-hotline-t92.htm#411 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/welcome-to-the-psychiatric-hotline-t92.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/eats-like-a-bird-t91.htm Sound Man Trevor A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the bonnet. "Leave it with me," says the mechanic. "Come back in 20 minutes." So, off goes the penguin. It's a pretty hot day, and he's a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren't very good at eating ice creams – the lack of opposable thumbs makes it tricky. So by the time the penguin has finished his 99, he is completely ... Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:42:36 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/eats-like-a-bird-t91.htm#410 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/eats-like-a-bird-t91.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-blind-man-t90.htm Sound Man Trevor While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked." The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?" But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door." So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work. Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic. Mother ... Jokes Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:41:14 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-blind-man-t90.htm#409 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-blind-man-t90.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-religion-is-your-bra-t63.htm The Promoter A man walked into the ladies department of House of Frazer and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. " " What type of bra?" asked the sales lady "Type?" inquires the man,"There's more than one type?" "Look around" said the sales lady as she showed a sea of bras in every size, shape and colour and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there ... Jokes Sat, 12 Jan 2008 16:40:57 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-religion-is-your-bra-t63.htm#193 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-religion-is-your-bra-t63.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/double-trouble-t28.htm Jo "Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... Namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows ... Jokes Sun, 06 Jan 2008 00:05:51 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/double-trouble-t28.htm#68 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/double-trouble-t28.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/i-had-a-good-one-about-butter-t65.htm TyrannosaurusBen But i wont tell it, im worried you might spread it. Jokes Sat, 12 Jan 2008 17:08:01 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/i-had-a-good-one-about-butter-t65.htm#198 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/i-had-a-good-one-about-butter-t65.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/old-man-t57.htm Under The Thumb An elderly man was was dying and in his last few moments he asked the Priest to take him down to the kitchen where his wife was baking. The Priest carried the old man down and pushed through the kitchen door to see the table laden with home made cakes, cooling on wire trays. The old man was reaching out for one,when his wife smacked his hand, saying "Hands off! They're for the funeral!" Jokes Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:58:49 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/old-man-t57.htm#180 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/old-man-t57.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/taxi-driver-t51.htm The Promoter Guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past ... Jokes Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:31:06 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/taxi-driver-t51.htm#149 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/taxi-driver-t51.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-makes-life-100-t49.htm The Promoter If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H A R D W O R K 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% K N O W L E D G E 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% But, A T T I T U D E 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100% And, B U L L S H I T 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103% So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will ... Jokes Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:26:31 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-makes-life-100-t49.htm#147 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/what-makes-life-100-t49.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-blonde-at-the-doctors-t48.htm The Promoter A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt. The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where." The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!" Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!" She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!" She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!" The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You've just got a broken ... Jokes Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:23:31 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-blonde-at-the-doctors-t48.htm#146 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/a-blonde-at-the-doctors-t48.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/blonde-and-the-ladder-t47.htm The Promoter

A : Because she heard drinks were on the house ]]> Jokes Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:22:16 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/blonde-and-the-ladder-t47.htm#145 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/blonde-and-the-ladder-t47.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bit-late-t46.htm The Promoter Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... light sabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!" Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?" Darth ... Jokes Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:20:33 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bit-late-t46.htm#144 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/bit-late-t46.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/lightbulb-jokes-t43.htm turtlemoon A: A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the
ramifications of the change.

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete
pending resolution of some action items.]]> Jokes Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:10:03 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/lightbulb-jokes-t43.htm#130 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/lightbulb-jokes-t43.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/looking-to-buy-a-frog-t36.htm The Promoter A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the ... Jokes Mon, 07 Jan 2008 17:27:33 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/looking-to-buy-a-frog-t36.htm#101 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/looking-to-buy-a-frog-t36.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sherlock-homes-t35.htm The Promoter Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies ... Jokes Mon, 07 Jan 2008 17:13:55 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sherlock-homes-t35.htm#99 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/sherlock-homes-t35.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/be-strong-honey-t25.htm Jo A man escapes from prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife; 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't ... Jokes Sat, 05 Jan 2008 23:56:48 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/be-strong-honey-t25.htm#61 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/be-strong-honey-t25.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/im-a-drummer-so-im-allowed-p-t11.htm What the hell?!


A drummer.
]]> Jokes Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:15:51 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/im-a-drummer-so-im-allowed-p-t11.htm#16 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/im-a-drummer-so-im-allowed-p-t11.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-sensitive-man-t27.htm Jo A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy Bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange ... Jokes Sun, 06 Jan 2008 00:04:15 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-sensitive-man-t27.htm#67 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/the-sensitive-man-t27.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/paddy-t31.htm The Promoter Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of ... Jokes Sun, 06 Jan 2008 00:14:40 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/paddy-t31.htm#73 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/paddy-t31.htm http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/irish-man-on-death-row-t26.htm Jo There was a German, an Italian and an Irishman on death row. The warden gave them a choice of threeways to die: 1. To be shot 2. To be hung 3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death. So the German said, 'Shoot me right in the head.' Boom, he was dead instantly. Then the Italian said, 'Just hang me.' (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Irishman said, 'Give me some of that AIDS stuff.' They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other ... Jokes Sat, 05 Jan 2008 23:59:48 GMT http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/irish-man-on-death-row-t26.htm#63 http://downtowndinerashford.forumotion.com/jokes-f8/irish-man-on-death-row-t26.htm